Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Working tomorrow

Tomorrow will be my first 8 hour shift in probably 18 months..or about two Decembers ago.

..wish me luck!!

xo

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Shorter Summer Days :(

Firstly, I'd like to thank one of my blog readers, Adams. Adams wrote a lovely comment on my cbox with regards to my fistula and it's appearance. Thank you!

I worked Monday-Wednesday, so my "weekend" began today. In the morning, I went to get my nails re-done. After that, I met up with my friend Jennifer for lunch. I love summer so much for things like this. It's nice outside, you can go out, easily meet with friends, and just enjoy being outside with shorts and/or a t-shirt. But, we're now in the middle of August, and I've noticed that the days are already getting shorter.  We had some really lovely and HOT days this year which I loved. The weather now appears to be more seasonal.  A month ago, I would wake up sweating because it was so hot. When I've woken up the last couple of times, I'm neatly wrapped in my blanket as the weather has dipped these past few days.

One of the indications that summer is over here where I am is when the CNE opens, and the CNE opens tomorrow, and will be open for 2 weeks.  After it's over, it's "back to school" for students...which essentially means the END of summer lol.  Why does it feel like summers are so short while winters seem to go on forever?

Anyhow, I had a great day today just doing things I wanted to do; a manicure, lunch with a great friend, vegging in bed watching TV, and, of course, surfing the web.

Please don't go, summer! I love you! Don't leave me! I CAN CHANGE!!!!!


:'(

Saturday, August 11, 2012

"I get the job done...I work...baby!"

I haven't updated on much outside of relationship stuff in a bit, so I thought I'd write a post about that!

My return-to-work process is going well.  I'm back to work at 75% of my hours now.  I work part time, so I only have 5 hours left to go before I'm back at my full 20 hours.  I'm glad to be back and see my co-workers, but I also can't wait to be at full capacity so that I can apply for HR jobs.  I'm going to be honest-at the advice of family and a couple of friends, I applied for 2 HR jobs. I don't suspect they'll call me back as my file with my employer still lists me as being on disability, but hey, we shall see!

I have a couple of important appointments coming up. Both of these appointments have nothing to do really with my health per se.  I'm not referring to a nephrology appointment, or a rheumatology appointment, or a oncology appointment.  The first one which is coming up next month is an appointment in the vascular department.  I'm getting my fistula assessed for removal.

This is pretty big for me.  I pray to God that my new kidney will last me an extremely long time. So, in a long, long time, if it does fail and I need to go back on dialysis, I'll have to have a catheter inserted into my chest.  If I don't have the fistula reversed, it will just remain there and I assume can be used again in the future if need be.  But, let's be honest here.  I'm a 30 year old woman. I like wearing tank tops, tube tops, short sleeves, etc. But, with the fistula, I feel very self conscious doing so, and I mostly only wear the aforementioned types of clothing in my home or with some sort of cardigan on top. I can wear these things without the cardigan...but the stares, looks, etc can get exhausting.

The second appointment is in October with the plastic surgery department.  It's about my stomach scar that I earned back in 2006 with the botched staple removal .  I'm hoping to have it revised and fixed a little.  I'm not expecting a miracle, but they've got to be able to do something better than this!  Again, I'm a 30 year old SINGLE woman. I know I won't be the sports illustrated swimsuit model of the year..but can we at least get this scar from grotesque to decent?  I think so.

So those are the main things happening with me right now. As always, updates will follow :)

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Revisiting Dating with a Chronic Illness-Part 2

In my previous post, I discussed a first date that I had with a gentleman I had met online- we went out for drinks.  There have been about 13 days between that date and now.

My main concern was telling him about my health and my struggles.  How do you tell someone that? Will they get spooked? How much information do you share and when..and what?  Well, let me tell you how my experience went.

We had just went out for dinner and the evening/night was still young, so we decided to go back to his house and watch a movie, which we did. After that, we got to talking just about whatever, and he told me about a couple of struggles that he had had in the past. His honesty inspired me to tell him something too.  I decided to start with the kidney transplant, it being the most recent thing that has happened to me.

I explained to him that I had a kidney transplant in March and that my brother was my donor. He asked me how/why my kidneys failed, and I briefly explained to him that I had lupus and what lupus was.  He got quiet for a minute..then said "I don't know what to say".

Damn. I guess that's it for THIS guy.

Then, he did speak.  He said "Actually, I do have something to say. I think your brother is a pretty stand up guy for donating a kidney to you, and I think it's great that you have such a strong and close family that supports you.  And this doesn't change anything..."

Those were the words I was looking for-this doesn't change anything. I was relieved that he wasn't spooked by my story or by my condition. As days went on, I explained a few other things to him. I was wearing jeans that were rolled up to about mid-calf. He noticed that I had a knee brace on. I explained to him that medication I was taking caused some damage to my knee, so I wear a brace..and I would eventually need surgery for it.  He noted that he doesn't see me limp or anything, which I thought was great.  I take Tylenol :).

Most recently, I was at his house at around 11:00pm.  After a night trip to the beach, we were both hungry and thought we'd go on the porch and bbq some hamburgers.  While the burgers were on the grill, he asked me why I always wore long sleeved shirts. I froze...why does he have to be so observant?? So I explained to him that I was covering my arm because of my fistula.  I didn't get into specifics about what a fistula is, nor did I show it to him, but I did briefly explain it.  I did say that I am going to get it assessed for removal/revision in September, which I am.  He asked me if I was sensitive about it..and I said a little bit-mostly because of people looking at it and asking questions all the time.  I'm okay with questions, but I just don't want it to be the first thing people ask me when they see me. Afterwards, we ate our burgers, had some dessert, then he said that he should drive me home because it was getting late and I should get some sleep as I had to work in the morning.  He drove me home, gave me a hug and a kiss, and that was that.

The next day, I waited for the usual good morning text from him...it never came.  Late in the afternoon, I sent HIM a text.  No response.  I was sad. Perhaps it was too much too soon, I didn't know. But with he and I being so honest with each other all the time, I thought that he would have been honest with me about how he felt if he didn't feel comfortable with my situation, or even asked more questions of me, but he didn't.

The next day, I went to work as usual. On my break, I looked at my phone and saw it flashing. I looked and saw I had two text messages from two different people.  One of them was from him.  It said good morning...and I was happy to see it.  I replied.  He asked if I was at work and I said yes.

Later in the evening, we texted again and I told him about my day. Then, this morning, I got a good morning text which jokingly asked if I was enjoying the weather (it's raining). Maybe I overreacted..or maybe he just needed some time to think things through..maybe he was just busy...who knows? I haven't seen him since that day, but his texts still seem ok-only time will tell.

At the end of the day, it was, is, and continues to be a learning experience. We've spent so much time together in the past two weeks-on average, every other day. I think he knows and sees the good person that I am...just like I see the good in him too. But, we'll see.

Part 3 to come...
 
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