Sunday, February 14, 2010

When does the "feeling better" part kick in?

To be honest, I still feel pretty crappy. It seems like all of these remedies being implemented in order to make one thing better makes something else worse.



When this whole thing started, my prednisone was bumped up to 40mg a day from 8mg. I look in the mirror and I see the "moon face" kicking in. Not a fan of that.



I just took the last of my 7 day run of oral antibiotic Levofloxacin. It is a 500mg pill. I don't know what it is, exactly-whether its the prednisone or the antibiotic. but my whole body is just off. My upper arms/shoulder area both hurt a lot. This morning it took me about 30 minutes longer to disconnect myself from my dialysis machine because the act of lifting my arms up to reach for a clamp or a tube was painful. I feel the same pain in my upper legs/hips. My hearing is still altered by this ear infection. If I swallow, I can hear clearly for about 5 seconds before it seems to dim down again. Food and water doesn't taste the same-especially water. I made my father stop and buy juice yesterday, because water just seems to taste gross to me as of recently.



I don't know if the stopping of my cellcept has anything to do with all of these changes, aches, and pains I'm feeling. My sinus ct scan that I had done on Friday seemed to appear clear according to the doctor. Tuesday will be my hematology appointment. I still have a small cough. I still feel dizzy, and I walk slowly and carefully like an old woman.



I feel guilty. I don't want to be at home doing nothing. I want to be doing what I anticipated I'd be doing at this point in time- going to school and going to work. With school there are always a lot of group projects and assignments, and I hate feeling like I'm out of the loop. I hate feeling like I'm putting undue stress on others, or like I'm letting others down. If I toughed it out and went to school, I couldn't even carry my backpack with the pain I feel in my arms. I couldn't walk around for any long periods of time with the pain I feel in my legs.



And, on top of everything, my Mommy is in Nigeria. Oh how I miss and need her.



My Dad has been a saint. He is doing everything for me, down to making my meals, getting me water, calling me when he's not home to make sure I'm ok, etc.



I just wish WHATEVER this underlying illness or illnesses are that are affecting me so badly would just leave me alone...and if it must bother me, why can't it wait until the summer when I'm done all of my HR courses? It's not enough to just pass my courses...I have to pass them and I have to do well.



Man, this seriously, seriously sucks.

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